19 Jul How We Respond to Others: A Few Thoughts From Our President, Jeff Russell

When someone offends you, makes you mad, or wrongs you, how do you respond? 

Do you respond with: 

• “He’s such an {insert swear word here}!”
• “Can you believe she is so {insert insulting word here}?” 
• Flip them off when they cut you off? 

Now, what if in those moments we could feel compassion instead of rage? 

Here is a tool I use to do just that… 

I will preface this by saying that I am about 50/50 in actually doing this exercise. It depends on my state of mind and if I am the best version of myself at the time. Those two tie-in to how I am treating my body and spending my free time (exercise, eating right, etc.). 

First, I touch my thumb to my index finger and make little circles. I can feel my actual fingerprints when I do this, which triggers me to remember what’s important and find compassion. 

It’s also funny because Dori and I use this same exercise when someone upsets us. So, we might both be sitting in the car rubbing our fingers together. This typically will decrease the negative emotions and replace them with compassionate thoughts.  

If you try this out, and it doesn’t seem to do the trick, give this a try to find more compassion. I try to envision the person who wronged me (or presumed wronged me) at the age of five. 

It’s difficult to stay angry at the five-year-old you’re picturing. I try to see an innocent child who has their own fears and insecurities. I find compassion for that child and forgive them and feel compassion for the jerk of an adult they’ve become. 

For whatever reason, it’s usually easier to find compassion for a child than it is for an adult. It can also help us remember that we don’t know what experiences or challenges they’ve had in life that led them to be the adult they are. 

Here’s a quote that really hits this idea home: 

“Whenever someone has done wrong by you, immediately consider what notion of good or evil they had in doing it, for when you see that, you’ll feel compassion instead of astonishment or rage.”

So in the week ahead, I encourage you to give this a try. See how it affects your mood, stress levels, and overall state of mind. I am pretty confident that you will notice an immediate difference. 

Life is good. – Jeff 

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